• 2008-03-06

    + Suicide Bomber

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    http://www.blogbus.com/newswolf-logs/16480224.html

    Achmed The Dead terrorist

    以前就看过youtube上这个自杀式恐怖分子的木偶笑话,懂了大半,已经很搞笑了。今天从Donia同学的博客上看到她找到的对话文稿,加上对部分典故的解释,才全部弄清楚。惭愧,不懂典故,看comedy是不够味的。多谢Donia了。


    A: Achmed, J: Jeff Dunham, W: Walter
    J: Good evening, Achmed.
    A: Good evening, infidel(异教徒).
    J: So, you're a terrorist.
    A: Yes, I am a terrorist.
    J: What kind of terrorist?
    A: A terrifying… terrorist… Are you scared?
    J: Not really, no.
    A: Arghhh, and now?
    J: Not really, no.
    A: Aaaargh, how about now?
    J: No.
    A: God damn it… Oh.. oh.. I meant a Allah (伊斯兰教的阿拉,真主) damn it. … Silence, I kill you!
    J: So, Akhmed.
    A: No no, it's Achmed.
    J: That's what I said.
    A: No, you said Akhmed, it's Achmed, chchchchch. Silence, I kill you!
    J: How do you spell it?
    A: What!?
    J: How do you spell your name?
    A: Oh, let's see, A-C-FLEMCH… Silence, I kill you!
    J: So, Achmed if you're a terrorist I would supposed you have some sorts of specialty.
    A: Yes, I am a suicide bomber.
    J: So you finished…
    A: What?
    J: You've done your job.
    A: No, I haven't.
    J: But you're dead.
    A: No, I'm not. I feel fine.
    J: But.. You're All Bone.
    A: It's a flesh wound(皮肉之伤). Silence, I kill you! … What the hell happened to my feet? … Son of the bitch… what the hell… wait a minute… what re you doing....... Stop touching meeeee! I kill you!
    J: All right just hold on, we'll fix this.
    A: Okay, wait, what are you doing? Holy crap I'm in the air … I need some ligaments(韧带).
    J: Just seat still.
    A: Okay, I will not move my ass.
    W: You idiot, you don't have an ass.
    A: Is that Walter? (J的另外一个木偶,一个喜欢讽刺人的老头)
    J: Yes.
    A: He scares the crap out of me. Please do not put me back in the same suitcase!
    J: Why?
    A: He has gas, (意为:他会放屁)Saddam's mustard gas (芥子气,萨达姆1988年在战争中使用的一种毒气)is nothing compared to Walter fart.
    W: Hahahahaha.
    A: It's not funny… he will kill us.
    J: All right, listen Achmed, I have something to tell you.
    A: What?
    J: You really are dead.
    A: Are you sure?
    J: Yes.
    A: But, I just got my flu shot!
    J: You really are dead.
    A: Wait, if I'm dead, that means I get my 72 virgins!(一个自杀人体炸弹被告知,当他们死后,天堂会有72个处女等着他。) Are you my virgins?(virgin也可以指处男。) I hope not!
    J: Why?
    A: There's a bunch of ugly ass guys out here. If this is paradise I've been screwed!
    J: Did they say it would be only female virgins?
    A: Holy crap! … Wait, I could have Clay Aiken(美国偶像亚军,很多人说他是同志) . Hahahaha. I told a joke.
    J: So, listen Achmed, where did you come from?
    A: Your freaking suitcase. Hahahahaha. I told anoter one!
    J: Look, if you've been in my suitcase all this time, how have you been getting through security at the airports?
    A: Oh that's easy! They open the suitcase and I go: Helloooo, I am Lindsay Lohan(林赛罗韩,美国流行偶像,曾多次酒醉驾车被捕)! Hahaha, I told another joke. I can do this crap too. Okay, here's another one: Two jews walk in a bar…
    J: No, no, no.
    A: What? What you don't let jews in your bar? You racist bastard!
    J: No, what I mean is I don't want racist jokes in my act.
    A: Oh, okay how about if I kill the jews? No, I'm kidding I wouldn't kill the jews … No … I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death!(暗指犹太人贪财小气) Hahahahaha. Yes yes, I did the same thing with two catholic priests (暗指天主教牧师性侵犯儿童), but I tossed a small boy! Yes yes, and the winner had to fight Michael Jackson (暗指 麦克杰克逊恋童).
    J: Achmed.
    A: What?
    J: Stop doing this. You can't tell jokes like that.
    A: Why not, I'm killing…
    J: You can't tell jokes like that, it offenses people.
    A: Oh… I'm dead, what do I care? What do you want me to do? Knock-knock jokes?
    J: It would probably better.
    A: Okay. Knock knock.
    J: Who's there?
    A: Me, I kill you.
    J: So look, as a suicide bomber, have you had a training?
    A: Of course we had the suicide bomber training camp.
    J: Is that a nice facility?
    A: It used to be.
    J: What happend?
    A: New guy.. the idiot tried to practice.
    J: What did you guys learn from that?
    A: Location, location, location.
    J: Do you guys have any kind of model?
    A: Like what?
    J: You know, like looking for a few good men.
    A: We're looking for some idionts with no future. (一般征兵广告会说:"We're looking for a few good men")
    J: So, where do you get your recruits?
    A: The suicide hotline.(自杀热线) Hahahaha. That was dark, was it not?
    J: So, what exactly happened to you?
    A: Eh?
    J: What happened?
    A: Oh, if you must know, I am a horrible suicide bomber.
    J: What happened?
    A: I had a premature detonation. I set the timer for 30 minutes, but it went off in 4 seconds. you know what that's like, right? Mister Hurricane?
    W: Hahahaha.
    J: So, Achmed, What exactly happen to you?
    A: Well, I was getting gasoline and I answered my cell phone. Can you hear me now? Ghhh! At first I thought it was because I went over my minutes.
    J: That's too bad.
    A: It's okay. I took that Verizon bastard with me (verizon 广告里常出现的一个男人).
    J: So… what it's like to die, do you see white light?
    A: If you're dumb enought to watch the explosion, yes!
    J: No, I mean some people say, when they die they see a white light. What did you see?
    A: I saw flying car parts.
    J: What was the last thing that went through your mind?
    A: My ass. Hahahaha. Walter told me to tell that joke.
    J: So you never saw a white light?
    J: You did all this for a bunch of virgins?
    A: Are you kidding me? I'd kill you for a Klondike bar (一种饼干类的零食)!
    J: So I guess you are Muslim?
    A: I don't think so.
    J: You are not Muslim?
    A: No.
    J: Why?
    A: Look at my ass. It says: „Made in China“. Walter says I'm just a strinking Halloween decoration. Hahaha…
    J: So you like being in D.C.
    A: I think some idiots must live here.
    J: Why?
    A: For example, the Washington Monument.
    J: Yes?
    A: It looks nothing like the guy… It looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton. Hahaha…
    J: What do you think about the Bush.
    A: Oh, I love Bush. Oh, you mean the president? I'm sorry.
    J: And that's Achmed the Dead Terrorist......
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    评论

  • Lindsay Lohan那段包袱貌似是讽刺他上次坐牢时因为明星身份只在监狱呆了一个小时就出来了, Achmed的意思是如果他躲在Walter行李箱里在过安检时被发现的话就说自己是Lindsay Lohan(因为他只剩骨头与骨瘦如柴无异), 这样就可以早点出狱~很感谢能提供原文, 找了很久了~
  • 过分哦。。。。:)
  • 呃,一时糊涂,脑子里把她和KATE MOSS攪在一起了。。。都删去吧,这俩回复
    GT News回复Joyce说:
    哈哈,留下罪证,不删。

    不过,你起码记得这些人,我是don't know nothing about them.
    2008-03-09 13:49:26
  • 另,骷髅对安检的人说,哈罗,我是Lindsay Lohan。实际上这里是在嘲笑Lindsay暴瘦到皮包骨的事情。
  • My, this one is hilarious!!! Tribute to Clinton, and the "bush"! lol~~~~~~~
  • you are always welcome.