• 2006-02-27

    + 还是嫩了点

    版权声明:转载时请以超链接形式标明文章原始出处和作者信息及本声明
    http://www.blogbus.com/newswolf-logs/1982644.html

    准备申请暑期实习的资料,又翻起了自己以往发表的文章。在白纸黑字和漂亮图片以及排版掩护下,注有我“大名”的文章曾经让我暗自得意,或者应该叫自豪吧。

    不过现在看起来,自己当初认真采访、苦心写成的“大作”还是远不能成为一篇让人读来心悦诚服的成熟新闻作品。现在可以轻易发现的问题,不知道当时为什么就浑然不觉的写出来了呢?

    还是看看我当年去黑龙江齐齐哈尔采访日军遗留化学武器连续发表三篇hard news之后回到北京又写的一篇综述性的news feature吧。自我剖析一下,也欢迎同道指摘。

    Death lurks, just below the surface
    (China Daily), By Wu Gang, Updated: 2004-06-23 09:17

    Touzhan, a small village about 35 kilometres from Northeast China's Qiqihar, can be described as well-off compared to many rural communities around the country.


    Chinese military personnel work at the village near Qiqihar in May where a large number of chemical weapons were abandoned by Japanese invaders in World War II. [newsphoto]

    Shiny residential houses stand here and there, each with a large courtyard in front. A number of new houses are under construction. (一说房子崭新发亮我就想起Shiny这个词,俗套。)

    Almost every household has at least five or six cows, and many residents own a tractor and a motorbike. (从国外看回去,有即头牛或者拖拉机有什么了不起?所以必须点明其在国内农村很算一笔财富了。) 

    "The farmers here have a tradition of raising cows for milk," said a local TV reporter.(Bad quote。首先,引用这句话有什么意义?根本就可以直接陈述。其二,引用其它媒体记者,更无说服力。其实该记者本来就是当地村民,是个土记者,我真要quote,就不如指出其村民身份而忽略记者身份。)

    As a number of milk product manufacturers, including well-known national brands such as Yili and Guangming, scramble to buy raw milk from the farmers at competitive prices, the income of local residents has been steadily increasing.

    With the cows and some crops, the farmers can earn more than 30,000 yuan (US$3,600) per household annually. (3600刀又是什么概念?必须要有个参照值,比如全国人均?) 

    But the tranquil scene was shattered one day late last month and a mysterious cloud of apprehension has since descended on the village. (one day late last month 不爽,不如one day in May得了) 

    An area of about 3,000 square metres was cordoned off by police. Several families living in it were asked to leave immediately. (硬邦邦叫人走,不大人道。起码用evacuate好些,或加have to。) 

    Nobody was allowed to enter the area. The uniformed guards even drove off any ducks that happened to wander by. (赶鸭子的细节自认为是虽小但很值得加的,能渲染当时恐怖气氛,而且也是我在现场亲眼所见事实。) 

    A dozen military tents were pitched in the area. Military trucks, fire engines and a number of weird-looking vehicles roared in and out over the next several days. (weird-looking 似不如odd-looking常见)

    On June 17, when a group of people in masks and protective clothing appeared at the site, the villagers realized something very dangerous was unfolding.

    Toxic bombs

    "It must be some poisonous gas," said Guo Yanbo, who lives in a house some 50 metres from the cordon line.

    News (应该用rumor比较有气氛,后来再证实) had been circulating among villagers earlier that more than 52 chemical bombs were discovered in Dong Liyan's yard.

    On May 23, Dong, 54, found some bombs of various sizes when he was digging the foundation for a new house.

    It was no surprise for people to find a bomb or two in this place, which served as a depot for Japanese invaders during World War II.

    But Dong dared not continue when several heavily-rusted bombs appeared, and there were many more embedded in the soil. He immediately reported his discovery to the local government.

    Chemical weapon experts from the military confirmed it was a chemical weapons dump used by wartime Japanese troops.

    The bombs contain toxic substances like mustard gas, which can burn the skin and eyes and cause severe, sometimes fatal respiratory damage.

    Using special detection instruments, officials confirmed there were at least 500 bombs buried at this site, said Ma Yinde, a chemical weapon expert from Shenyang. (前面comfirm,紧接着又某人said,感觉重复) 

    At the request of the Chinese Foreign Ministry, Japan dispatched a group of experts to the village to retrieve the weapons Japanese troops abandoned more than half a century ago.

    The retrieval operation, which started last Thursday, was expected to be finished in about 10 days.

    Dong was hospitalized after complaining of headache and sore eyes. Doctors said his blood pressure is a bit low, and he needs further diagnosis.

    But he cares about his family, who was relocated to his aunt's home in the same village. He is also worried about his cows, which were also moved to his aunt's stable.

    "My cows are having problems in milking because they do not get along well with my aunt's cows," Dong told China Daily from his bed at Ang'angxi People's Hospital.

    "I want to go home, my own home." (这里短句引用感觉比较有余味。不过第一句引用Dong的话首先说关切牛,不妥,应该先引关心家人的的话)

    Ubiquitous danger

    Dong is not the first victim of Japanese-abandoned chemical weapons in Touzhan. But he is lucky compared to 73-year-old Liu Fengwu, who has been suffering from the effects of a Japanese chemical bomb for 48 years.

    "I don't remember the exact year, but I know I was 25 when I almost died after touching it," said Liu.


    Liu Fengwu (right), 73, points to scars on his body left by burnings of chemical weapons almost half a century ago. [newsphoto]

    Liu found a bomb in the backyard of his former home, which was right near the place Dong dug up a large number of bombs.

    Some liquid with a strong smell came out of the bomb and splashed over his body when he tried to move the half-metre-long object.

    "Blisters came out all over, his head swelled as big as a balloon, his eyes became blind and the skin on his chest peeled off when he fell into unconsciousness," said Zhang Xiuying, Liu's wife. 这个描述引用得很形象,很有说服力。

    Zhang, then mother of a three-year-old daughter, thought her husband would never recover until Liu's brother took him to a military hospital in Qiqihar.

    His recovery took more than a year, but the large patches of scar tissue, the permanent breathing problems, the coughing during nights and dull eyes still plague him today.

    During their retreat in 1945 the Japanese invaders left the chemical bombs behind either by discarding them in ammunition store houses, throwing them into rivers or burying them around their military bases in China.

    After more than half a century, the metal casing on many of the bombs and chemical containers has rusted away and started to leak, which poses a serious threat to the environment and Chinese residents.

    "As the country's economy booms, construction of infrastructure and houses has really taken off," said Bu Ping, vice-president of the provincial academy of social sciences in Heilongjiang Province. (这句quote也是废话,应该直接陈述。下面的话才应该保留)

    "As a result, injury or deadly incidents may happen at any moment."

    Experts estimate there are at least 2 million Japanese-abandoned chemical weapons in a dozen provinces across China, though Japan insists the number is about 700,000. (在我的化武系列报道中,我坚持在加上关于在华遗留化武的数量的背景时,同时包括中方和日方的估计数字。这也是我一直引以为豪的做法,因为有不少国内中文媒体为了煽动反日情绪,总是只拣中方较大的估计报,不够客观。中方的估计数字并不比日方更有基础。)

    A total of some 2,000 Chinese people have fallen victim to the chemical weapons over the past decades.

    The August 4 incident last year that killed one and injured 43 in urban areas of Qiqihar is the most serious tragedy in recent years and sparked a new round of angry outcry nationwide.

    The hidden dangers continue to surface over and over again. Just when the Japanese experts were clearing out the chemical bombs in Touzhan, a village 10 kilometres away on Sunday reported the discovery of about 17 bombs.

    The bombs were later confirmed by weapon experts to be Japanese-abandoned chemical weapons.

    The most alarming thing is that poorly-educated farmers never (never这样的极端词经常经不起推敲,应该尽量避免。这里显然就不对,只能说大部分农民不知道,不是所有人。) realized the bombs they found decades ago and placed in playgrounds are extremely toxic chemical weapons.

    When will it end?

    China and Japan joined the United Nation Chemical Weapons Convention in 1997.

    Two years later the two sides signed a memorandum in which Japan agreed to provide all necessary money, equipment and personnel to ensure retrieving and destroying all Japanese-abandoned chemical weapons in China by 2007.


    Villagers at Touzhan Village watch for the disposal project's progress beside the restricted area. [newsphoto]

    But it looks increasingly doubtful that the Japanese Government can meet the deadline.

    "We have to say they are too slow in disposing of the chemical weapons," said Ge Guangbiao, director of the Japanese-abandoned chemical weapons disposal office under the Chinese Foreign Ministry.

    The Japanese have carried out 40-plus excavations since 1995 in different regions of China, such as (such as不对劲,用including 才对)Nanjing in Jiangsu Province, Songwu in Heilongjiang Province and Luquan in Hebei Province. But so far only 36,000 chemical weapons have been retrieved and put in temporary safekeeping. That's a very small percentage of all abandoned weapons in China, even according to Japan's estimate of 700,000.

    Japan has long been preparing to build a disposal plant in Harba Hill in Dunhua, Jilin Province, where 90 per cent of all abandoned weapons in China are believed to be buried.

    But the exact date of construction is still unknown and the initial plan is "to finish the excavation and retrieving of the weapons in two or three years," as disclosed by Aoyama Akihiko, an official with Japan's special office for abandoned chemical weapon disposal.(采访到日方专家代表Akihiko也是我得意之笔。因为当时去现场的中文报纸记者都不大会英文,更别说日文,所以我是独家采访,不过他是通过随同的一个女翻译把他的日语翻成英文,我用英文跟她交流--很清纯的一个日本mm喔:))

    Akihiko explained the disposal efforts have been difficult because the operation sites are in China, and they need Chinese co-ordination and have to consider safety matters.

    Chinese media have been critical of the Japanese Government for not being sincere enough in its promise to get rid of the chemical weapons.

    "It is hard to imagine such inefficiency from a nation well-known for its high efficiency that has created business wonders in the world," said the Chinese magazine Globe.

    China Youth Daily commented that the Japanese Government is discriminating against Chinese people.

    The Japanese Government has responded swiftly and responsively to the needs of victims of chemical weapons in its own country over the past few years, but when it comes to Chinese victims, it is another picture, the newspaper said.

    The Chinese victims of a number of injury incidents lost a series of lawsuits in Japan recently.

    "What we want is not just money in compensation, but a formal apology from the Japanese Government," said Su Xiangxiang, a Chinese lawyer handling chemical weapon injury cases for years.

    He hopes the Japanese Government can disclose the burial site of all its abandoned chemical weapons in order to avoid further tragedies.

    最后想说的一点就是,在google里面随便搜索了一下我这篇文章,结果发现绝大部分网站,包括新华社和中国网,在转引该文的时候都仅仅注明来自China Daily,却把我的名字隐去。劳动成果得不到承认,真够恶心。

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  • 晕死,那我又怎么敢随便对你的作品乱做评注?我只看了个开头,觉得有点长,为了后面的对比,你的安宁气氛渲染得有点久啊。俺觉得前六段可以再精炼一点,很多信息可以在后面慢慢再加。
    GT News回复Jane说:
    说到点子上了。我也感觉到前面“铺垫”得有点长。
    2006-03-06 17:08:14
  • Jane,我怎么敢随便指摘你的大作?



    你还没有给我提意见呢。
  • 下回给你一篇我的文章,你帮我也解剖解剖,呵呵。