• 2006-04-25

    + 撮合系列之一

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    http://www.blogbus.com/newswolf-logs/2224041.html

    高级写作课老师布置了一个题目,a story about match-making, or fixing people up. 不管是已婚人士或者是未婚青年,大家应该都有过被人撮合或者替人穿针引线的经历。毕竟爱情是文学作品永恒的主题,所以班上同学对这个题目都很感兴趣,也写出了各自的精彩故事。想到我的读者们很可能也会关注这个题目,特开辟一“撮合系列”,分别刊载几篇我们的作文,希望大家喜欢。

    王婆卖瓜,首先拿自己的开刀了。写作课班很小,总共就七个学生。每次作文,老师都会把大家的作文打印七份,大家一起来互相评点。开学至今我写了那么多作文,关于做媒的这篇还是头一次在课堂上得到那么多的回应,当然,这并不意味着我写的有多好或者文字多么俏皮,而是因为故事本身比较搞笑。

    这是一个真实的故事,是关于报社那帮球友一起帮一个同事介绍对象的趣事,对象是一个清华高材女生。具体的经过,大家看文章好了,我只想说,结局是搞砸了。

    文章全文及老师和同学的评论在这里:

    J707 Advanced Writing, Column
    By Gang Wu, April 4, 2006

    Match making, a risky business

           Most people believe love is romantic. They believe love is predestined, and when and where and whom they are going to meet and join hands with for the rest of their life is decided by some divine force, not some “vulgar” hustle or wishful schemes.

           As a result, people often feel reluctant to accept the match-making proposal of a friend. The direct response, though not pronounced, might be, “Hey, you think I’m ugly enough and can not find a spouse by myself?”

           However, so far as I know, not everyone is lucky to see his Princess or her Mr Right on a timely fashion. You may be so handsome or pretty that you never would have worried about your attractiveness to an ideal partner. Yet perhaps due to your tight business schedule, or maybe you are inherently not a social animal, you are still waiting for your first romantic windfall in your late 20s or even after the age of 30.

           Here is where match-making comes into place. By carefully examining you and your potential love, your friends have the reason to persuade you to have a try – they know both parties and believe you two can somewhat make a perfect match, and they are usually trustworthy. After all, who could say that the arrangement of your first date is not God’s plan in itself?

            However, the fact is, not everybody can successfully fall in love with the candidate at first sight, and actually most of the arranged date ended up with only a couple more following contacts on themselves or no more at all. But that is the price you have to pay for the eventual success. Have you heard that a 35-year-old friend of mine once said he had at least 80 such blind dates before he at last found “the one” and got married?

           Not everyone is as persistent as him. That is why fixing people up is such a risky business. Sometimes your good wish to “help” a single friend might turn out to be something that will almost sacrifice your friendship. Here is an example, a fiasco of match making.

    The man, Tao Zhang (alias), was a former colleague of mine at the China Daily. Aged 33 that year, he had remained single as long as we knew him, probably because he was already half-bald at such a relatively young age, or perhaps he preferred to be alone for a while. Concerned about his well being, I and a handful of colleagues tried to give him a boost.

    One colleague knew a girl who was also single. The girl was a doctoral student at Tsinghua, one of the most prestigious universities in China. Frankly speaking, this girl was not on the pretty side, which was not a surprise for us considering the normal cases of girls in most science and technology universities. However, also like most girls at the Sci-tech universities, she was smart, intelligent and had a certain kind of charm, at least we believed so. The most important thing was that we thought she could make a good wife and mother - they could be a great pair, we decided.

    The first step was successful. Both sides agreed to meet after our respective lobbying. The place was set: the Sichuan-food restaurant that we frequented near the newspaper compound. In order to make the meeting not so formal and awkward, all six colleagues involved in this match-making plot decided to go together, pretending it was just one regular dining out within the circle of close friends. Zhang was content to this plan, so was the girl.

    But Zhang was not optimistic that he would like this girl. He told us a secret plan.

    “If I don’t like the girl, I will order our favorite laozao dumplings as dessert,” he said, solemnly. “If I like her, I will order something else after the dinner, so that you guys will leave us alone.”

    Sounded not so fair for the girl. But we agreed anyway. “Trust us,” we pat him on the shoulder. “A friend is a friend.”

    For some reason, I didn’t make it to the dinner, though the rest of the team went.

    What I earnestly heard afterwards was a shock. Zhang did not even wait the dinner to wind to its end. He ordered a dish of dumplings for every one at the table immediately after they took seats.

    I could imagine how awkwardly this dinner had worn on afterwards. What’s worse about that was Zhang was so angry with us after the dinner was finished and the girl left.

    “I know how much you guys have been looking down upon me,” he complained. “You think I’m really so ugly that I can only find such a match?”

    Wordless. But one thing was clear. From then on, I told myself better not to bother with someone else’ personal business. Who knows if it will really pan out as you expect, or just to be a biting wound for all three parties?

    当大家在课堂上各自埋头看你的文章,而随后你听到这里那里传来此起彼伏的噗嗤一笑的时候,内心的喜悦自然可想而知,吃蜂蜜的感觉莫过于此吧。

    老师说,“我倒没想到点菜还可以做暗号的啊,倒是不错的一招。”

    Jessica说,我喜欢你的secret plan。

    Jean说那女孩真可怜,这男的也太不像话了,他都没有开口说话就下结论了,她根本就不了解那个女生。

    Marti说,我发现你好些个小词小短语用得不错啊,比如plot,pan out,fiasco。Marti是个长得很胖但却聪明可爱的女生,以前我常请她帮忙给我看文章的语法错误,她对我的文章最熟悉了,她也最会鼓励我,常夸我写得比刚来美国的时候好多了。谢了。

    老师对我提到清华无美女的说法有些异议,说这也太stereotype了吧。他说美国也有对漂亮女人的歧视,比如说blonde is stupid,所以建议我不要那么写。唉,他哪里知道在中国,关于理工大学女生的歌谣和笑话不知有多少,提起这一点,男生们都会露出会心的笑容,虽然这的确很可能太偏激。

    这篇作文十分得了八分,比我以前最好的一次九分稍次。但分多分少不是最重要,最重要是it's something to talk about. 比自娱自乐有趣得多了。

     

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  • Hey, I love this one. Funny!
    GT News回复Zhonghai说:
    You might know whom I was talking about?
    2007-06-03 16:41:41
  • If the girl ordered the dumplings for u every one frist,what will happened?